Monday, September 8, 2014

A Laundry List for Life

It's been a long summer of doom and gloom. Looking back on this year, here are a few things which I will and won't miss.*

Things I Won't Miss:

People who complain about Millennials.

People who write articles claiming that the Millennials will bring about the zombie apocalypse.

People who think that the zombie apocalypse is going to happen soon.

Adults who suck up to children by asking them questions, and when the children don't answer, simply repeat the question louder.

Books named the Male Occupation's Wife, Daughter, Niece, Grandmother, Step-Mother or Mother-in-Law. It's not that I have anything against men, it's just authors should be able to use a little imagination when it comes to naming the books they have labored over for long periods of time.

Congress. But since they are representative of the people who elect them, maybe that should be Americans in general.

People who take the concept of life hacks to extremes. Examples, the life hack for the Constitution which will restore America to Jeffersonian bliss, the life hack that will fix your cable bill and save you hundreds of dollars, and tax people who claim they can hack your taxes and save you money somehow. It's false, people. Don't buy into their lies.

Scary women who wear dominatrix boots and pretend they're business casual when we all know it's a desperate plea for attention.

The Ice Bucket Challenge, because obviously it's better to douse yourself in miserably cold water than be forced to donate. Or perhaps we should call this forced donation in general.

Unintelligible acronyms like TCOT, which always makes me think of tabby cats on twitter, and not whatever tea party mumbo jumbo it most likely means.

Things I Will Miss:

Earbuds and how they block out the entire world.

The idea of bourbon.

Somedays in Europe.

The hope of snow days as an adult.

Really strong coffee.

Talking about ghosts, black cats, and unexplained deaths around very superstitious people.

Candy Crush. Because sometimes that's all that is needed after a long day.

Unexpected flowers which are not roses so cannot be a stand in to mark an important day, but rather make an unimportant day important.

Television binge watching on the couch.

The joy of telling people I'm busy when I'm actually binge watching television on the couch.

Cheese.

Cats.

*Thanks to Nora Ephron for the idea of creating lists of what one will and won't miss.

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