Monday, July 14, 2014

Life Lessons From Tom Kitten

Though people love to argue these days, one thing almost everyone can agree upon is that the years of your childhood form the basis of who you are. 

I was reminded of my childhood when someone recently tweeted out a copy of part of the Beatrix Potter tale called, well, I can't remember the name. I only know some very large, mean mice, (or were they rats) decided to capture poor Tom Kitten (don't ask me how since he was easily large enough to sit on them, but then again, they were quite tall), roll him up in butter and dough, and then stick him in the oven.

As an adult I look at this in horror. How perfectly monstrous to even propose that evil mutant mice would decide to bake a kitten alive. A bad kitten, but still very much a kitten. A furry, fluffy kitten wearing a fancy blue romper. A romper I don't think they were even planning on taking off, which leads me to wonder how much of this was hunger and how much was simply revenge.

With this in mind, the mutant mice seem like sadistic kidnappers from a Coen brothers movie. What sort of monster would roll a child in dough, bake him, and then leave him for his mother to find? Evil mutant mice, that's who. 

But we never think of this as children. We don't think about the deeper meanings inherent in baking poor Tom Kitten (and rolling him in dough. Ew.) We just know that that very tall mouse and her evil chubby cohort mouse was evil, and because of this we unconsciously distrust anyone who vaguely resembles these two mice. You just know these mice were most likely shifty eyed, even when dealing with those of their own species and not just rambunctious kittens.

These are important life lessons. The lesson of why you shouldn't venture into spaces where evil mutant mice could possibly truss you up with string and cover you with butter quite easily transitions into why you should away from mean spirited people in general. And ultimately into why you should never trust anyone who cannot make eye contact, because it almost certainly will never come to an ending of buttercups and daisies, but will turn your life into a tragedy. 

People are always concerned with what to teach our children nowadays, but I believe that perhaps we would have more luck with future generations if we gave them more of the horrifying Beatrix Potter so that hopefully some sense could crop up in their heads years later, when confronted with people who may be just like the mutant mice, though they look like human beings. 

Because sadly, a lot of human beings are out there who have the souls of evil mutant mice. 

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