Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The State of Our Union is Sherlock

It is time for another State of the Union address. This is an important day for Americans everywhere, for it is the day we all woke up to realize that not only are we woefully behind on domestic and international affairs, but that we have been given the golden ticket of a cliffnotes rundown on primetime TV tonight. "Today is the day", we think to ourselves as we butter our toast, "when I shall catch up on everything and see where the politics of this country stand". 

We begin with the best of intentions. We skip the gym in favor of getting home, settling into our routines so we can devote ourselves to the television and the very serious business of being updated on the State of the Union. 

And then something happens. After the initial moments of excitement about who is sitting where, and who is not standing and clapping, suddenly we remember why this thing happens only once a year. Because it's boring. Thank God for Twitter and the 140 character limit that saves us from speeches that could last hours, leaving us, the weary listeners, still as unsure as ever what a bitcoin has to do with our everyday lives.

But, being the ever resourceful descendants of the Pilgrims that we are, we have adapted. Some of us pretend to pay attention by going to our favorite news channels of choice and memorizing the talking head's bullet points. Others of us treat it as a drinking game. Still others prefer to catch up on Sherlock the night of the state of the union, preferring Benedict Cumberbatch's honeyed tones to the nervously forceful tones of politicians who wish so much that someone would clap.

Enjoy the State of the Union, folks. I'll be catching up on Sherlock, showing my solidarity with England on this Great American Day.

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