Monday, April 22, 2013

Wherefore Art Thou, Judd Nelson?

They just don't make guys like Judd Nelson anymore. Even Judd Nelson isn't like Judd Nelson these days. Judd Nelson circa 1985 was mysterious, angry at the injustices of life, and sardonic. He laughed at frou frou things like sushi, and knew useful skills like how to remove screws from doors. He had long hair and wore a trench coat. He pulled off a diamond earring with panache. But Judd Nelson's sexiest attribute was his common sense.

If your boyfriend has common sense, you know you have security. You know that you will never wake up one morning, open Facebook, and find out the hard way that he spent the evening with his rhyming dictionary composing limericks on various subjects. He then posted them and tagged you in each one. You never have to lie awake worrying about his latest crazy idea to start a frozen yogurt food truck in Alaska. And you can bask in the knowledge that he won't break the drill you got for Christmas, the one you begged your mom for so that you could put together your new bookcase. Even more importantly, he's not a pretentious jerk. He might be occasionally be a jerk, but he'll never be pretentious about it.

Those guys don't exist anymore. We have Justin Bieber, who doesn't have the common sense to wear pants that fit. We have airbrushed faces that are as pretty as your grandmother's china with airbrushed muscles to match. And we have the embarrassing guys. The ones who think they are running about like sexy Ryan Gosling did in Drive, but are actually dead ringers for Roddy McDowall in Planet of the Apes. We don't have guys who can pair a trench coat with a lumberjack shirt and not look like a hipster who is trying too hard. Instead, we have a generation of guys who are pretenders, have no idea what a drill bit looks like, and spend more time fantasizing about doing things then actually going out and doing them. Common sense turns girls on. But Judd Nelson doesn't live here anymore.

5 comments:

Pamela Gross said...

I really like your blog. Oh and by the way, there are just a handful of men left with common sense. They are hard to fine. But if your really determined, you can visit your local nursing homes and your bound to run into one or two ot them.

Danae said...

I suppose I'll have to hit up the local nursing home. Thanks so much Pamela, I'm so glad you enjoy it! :)

Phil said...

Danae, don't you know that common sense is more accurately known as Uncommon Sense? It's capitalized because of its status as a rare condition among the species homo sapiens.

Also, I own not only a drill, but an angle grinder, a heat gun, and all sorts of goodies that make home improvement or car repair much easier. I don't know if that means I have common sense as I generally don't pair my trench coat with a lumberjack shirt...but it's got to count for something, right?

Danae said...

You just need a diamond earring now, Phil! And you're totally right about it being Uncommon Sense these days. :)

Kyte said...

<3 Judd Nelson