Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day, or, How Not to End Up With a Low-Grade Lunatic

Much has been written on Valentine's Day. Much will continue to be written. Valentine's Day means many things to different people. It's the holiday that single people tell themselves they feel sad and alone, and they are driven to try things they would not ordinarily try. Like internet dating, blind dates with a college friend's unfortunate sibling, and browsing the casual hookups on Craigslist. It's the holiday that some (these people generally tend to be the ones who recently experienced a break up) like to remind everyone else was invented by Hallmark (not true--the Victorians celebrated long before Hallmark was incorporated) to cover up a sad story about some poor Saint who lost his head in a very unromantic way. It's also a day that purveyors of historical tidbits like to remember as the day some gangsters decided to massacre some other gangsters. With such a wealth of macabre and tacky stories behind this holiday, how can it NOT be my favorite holiday?

Valentine's Day should be the day you love yourself. You don't have a significant other? Congratulations! You can most likely eat what you please for dinner, sleep as late as you choose, don't have to worry about whether your significant other's fondness for video games means that he has the mental capability of a 12 year old, and can generally do as you like without someone wanting you to please them. And believe me, they do want that. No matter how much they profess to only want what is best for you, they will think of themselves. Human beings will forever take advantage of one another, and this is probably what makes marriages so hard. And imperfect. Marriage is basically being legally bound to a roommate for the rest of your life with benefits. (I suppose you could have a roommate with benefits, but I feel that could be awkward when one of you tires of granting these benefits) To paraphrase the great Nora Ephron, one day you wake up and realize you married a low-grade lunatic who keeps hamsters, and when that reality hits, you either have to try and make the best of it or file for divorce. 

So I hope that you, wherever you are, in whatever stage of life you happen to be in, celebrate it as a day where you make yourself happy. It doesn't make you selfish at all, or mean you care about your significant others less, but it's about staying sane. Since this holiday is so confused about its own self-identity, let's make it a celebration about celebrating the things we love. Tonight I plan on having a nice glass of wine, watching a deliciously bad television movie where Leslie Nielsen seduces a dying Betty White in Mexico, and eating an avocado on toast. After all, it's taking time out for ourselves that keep us sane. Sane people don't become gangsters and massacre other people. Sane people don't go about marrying low-grade lunatics who keep hamsters. And I think everyone would agree that Valentine's Day is a day for love, not massacres. Or low-grade lunatics.


Hoover said...

Great Post! Thanks for summing up my feelings on the holiday

Danae said...

Thanks Hoover! :)

Kristine said...

We had the best time live-tweeting that made for tv movie. Love this post ;)

Kyte said...

Ha - I love this post!!! hopefully not everyone marry's a low-grade least mine doesn't play video games or collect hamsters. It's like that pin I've seen floating around lately - make sure when you are in a relationship that YOU are the crazy one! <3