Monday, February 11, 2013

Classy Girls Kiss in Bars

When asked what words in the English language are the most detestable, people will inevitably name the same words each time. "Moist", "thrust", "slacks", and "phlegm" consistently make the top ten list every year. I am not particularly fond of any of these words. They generally bring unwelcome images and sounds into one's head, but I can forgive them, because they at least sound what they are attempting to describe. My least favorite word has no such excuse. "Classy" doesn't have onomatopoeia to save it, because it is the cockroach of the English language. "Classy" reeks of polyester pants, used condoms, and a bottle of cheap vodka. The kind of vodka that is sure to give you a headache the next morning no matter how much water you drink.

My hatred of this word began at a young age. There was this girl I knew growing up who was constantly saying things were or were not classy. She made her flippant pronouncements of classiness as if she were the queen of the world. At first it didn't bother me. Everyone has their quirks. But then her behavior began to clash with the concept of classiness that she herself had preached. Suffice to say, her behavior was only classic in the sense of the world's oldest profession.

I learned an important life lesson through this. When people have to use adjectives like classy, responsible, or mature to describe themselves, they very often aren't those adjectives. If you really have virtue, you don't need to shout it to the heavens, because your actions will prove you to be virtuous. Listening to a self professed classy girl as an arbiter of taste is akin to asking Marilyn Manson to pick out the music for your grandmother's funeral. I'm sure he would have an opinion, but it may not match those of your mourning family. Classy seems to be a word a lot of girls want to be, but they don't realize what it really means. Classy is the cheap rebellious cousin of elegance who wakes up in the morning trying to remember what exactly happened last night.  Classy is Linda Lovelace compared to Audrey Hepburn. Classy tries, but always ends up looking like a cheap knock off of a designer hand bag. In short, classy does not mean what you think it means. It's slang, people. And I don't believe saving money by buying cheap vodka is worth the migraine the next morning.


Kyte said...

While there are always exceptions...I couldn't agree more! <3

Bill Kratzer said...

I once aspired to be the cheap rebellious cousin of elegance, but not being able to forget the sad tale of the night before was worse

Bill Kratzer said...


Tim Hoskins said...

I actually have no problem with any of those words and I don't understand the issue so many people have with "moist". The words I really hate are "avid" and "buff" (as in history buff, I have to problem with buffing the floor or Buffy the Vampire Slayer).

I think of them a Reader's Digest words, because they get use surprisingly often in the jokes people send to Reader's Digest. I guess my problem is that they sound phony. Like, they're not words that would ever naturally occur to someone to say in conversation, people only use them in limited contexts when they feel they're supposed to, like sending a joke to Reader's Digest or making awkward small talk with people you barely know but are supposed to get along with.

But beyond that I think there's some other, less rational reason for my instinctive dislike of avid and buff. Maybe they grate against my melancholic aversion to showing enthusiasm for anything.

Danae said...

Tim: I'll let "avid" and "buff" fall with "classy" into the same category of pretentious words that pretend to be what they aren't. :)